26 August 2009

Oh, no, I'm going to have Little put to sleep tomorrow because she can't walk. It is so sad to see her trying. It's only a year since she got up and down on that trellis frame thing at the condominium and now she can't walk at all. Well, it is good to be so well for a whole lifetime and then just deteriorate fast as the end and at least she gets a quick end. Nobody ever liked Little much but she had a great life on Berkshire Road. A good life and a quick end. This is the end for me. No more pets. All four gone so fast. I'm feeling so sorry for myself. I just can't get a grip on the happiness, only sad for me.

6/13/09

I have this sadness all the time that I'll never see China again. I think about her a lot as I move between the houses, and when I go to bed at night. I think about her especially now because a year has almost passed. Last June I couldn't guess that I would lose her at all, much less in just a few weeks. When I think about her at night, I feel sick about her being gone. I can't comprehend it.

I wish I could talk with my father. I realize that I don't wish him back. He was so uncomfortable in the past few years and I didn't even see him in the last month when it was really bad. I wish I could talk with him, though. Our conversations didn't begin until recent years; I wish it could have been for much longer.