if i were a nice person, there wouldn't be this problem so i cannot really blame her. i should have been friendly to her from the outset. actually i was at the very beginning, when she was already whining about not instantly having my mother bond to her. anyway, it didn't take me long to realize that i didn't like her. still, i should have tried harder. and, still again, i do feel that after he got sick, it would have been impossible for me. i feel as if we should be able to ignore each other but apparently she requires me to do differently. well, hell, i require her to be someone else also. but it's not as if we live next door and it's not as if robby is much distracted by me. but, due to my character as well as hers, she is between us. and she very much feels that i don't like her. and due to her character, she won't quit complaining about it to robby, no matter how sick and tired he is. believe me, it is better if i don't arrive at every crisis because, rightly or wrongly, she perceives me as someone who zooms by once in a while and just bosses the hell out of everybody without knowing what i'm talking about. as it regards my parents, tough. but, as it regards robby, and because he just plain likes me a lot, and because she will complain about it, i bow out. i cannot ignore her tantrum because it will be directed at robby. it was interesting when he called me last summer and asked me to talk with her and abase myself as much as necessary to get her to stop stomping around and threatening to leave altogether and go live with cindy - it was interesting because he said it is easy to talk with me and disagree with me, and it is impossible to talk with her. one of the many things he has told me that he shouldn't have.
an example of what he should never do or never have done is also when he was at maine medical after the splenectomy but before the spine injury, when he was supposed to get out of bed the next day and walk a little, he told the nurses, 'i'm waiting for my sister.' i think it is telling that he wasn't waiting for beth. it is the nurses who told me that so it's possible someone told beth also. for me, it was so sweet but also so damning of her because she was nowhere around when he needed someone. i'm sure it wasn't a criticism of her, but even if she didn't know that, she feels it that he likes me and she has always been ridiculously jealous.
what i will do after this danged house stuff is every over, so probably late october whether we sell it or not, that is when i will visit and then i won't be so much perceived as swooping in to criticize. and, if he's alive, maybe i'll get a chance to chat then. even though there's never much chance because i hate to stop him in his slow slow progress doing stuff.
it doesn't matter. it's not as if we were hanging out or communicating much before she arrived on the scene anyway. i'm someone he likes who was part of his childhood. i very much regret not making the effort to know him when we were kids, but that ship is long gone.
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