6/13/09

I have this sadness all the time that I'll never see China again. I think about her a lot as I move between the houses, and when I go to bed at night. I think about her especially now because a year has almost passed. Last June I couldn't guess that I would lose her at all, much less in just a few weeks. When I think about her at night, I feel sick about her being gone. I can't comprehend it.

I wish I could talk with my father. I realize that I don't wish him back. He was so uncomfortable in the past few years and I didn't even see him in the last month when it was really bad. I wish I could talk with him, though. Our conversations didn't begin until recent years; I wish it could have been for much longer.