19 weeks

What is my responsibility to China? Does one decide to quit, or just slowly stop trying? What about this half dozen or more people who seem more invested than I in trying to find her? What about our seemingly fundamental differences regarding how much money should be spent in this effort (that I don't dare admit to this well meaning strangers)?

First stipulation: China is OK. I think she is with someone and I hope the someone knows that China requires a bed and she requires a walk every day and she doesn't like to get up in the morning and she's afraid of a lot of things. It makes me sad to think she might not be having those 'needs' met. However, I am sure she is adaptable and is not lying around thinking of how good it used to be. If someone has taken her in, I am sure he is treating her well enough.

Second stipulation: My life is way better than OK. Of course, there are some things that legitimately make me sad but, so what. How much time should a person spend being sad that her best dog is dead and her second best dog is missing and her parents are old and her brother terribly sick? I don't know what's appropriate. I cannot fix any of those things and I certainly know that crying does not make any difference. Is it all right to just not think about them? What is the healthy thing to do?

I cannot justify spending a lot of money on China. This seems to me like the same thing as making the decision to not spend a lot of money on dog health issues. It seems like the right decision but a hard and painful decision to make. If I could know that spending some small amount of money would bring her back, then I would; but, if it were a large amount, I'd be in a pickle. I don't know what amount of money would be justified in my mind. However, this is not a choice I get to make. My choice now is whether or not to spend money with no expectation at all that it will get her back. It's not like making the decision to not spend money on Batman, because that decision seemed based more on not choosing pain for him with little chance of a good result. This seems more just about money because I have to already believe that she is not in pain. She is either being taken care of or she is dead. At first, the effort was to save her from fear and confusion and danger of being lost and on the street alone, but I feel sure after 19 weeks that she cannot be in that situation any more.

Although I have decided to not spend money - no findtoto, no pet psychic for example -when and how do I decide to stop spending time and effort?