9/20/08

There is always a bad end and nearly always a very bad end. Katie's death was my fault because I let her run free. Also I feel bad that I didn't stay with her when she was put to sleep and I should have insisted on it. Skitty was my fault because I didn't try hard enough to find him after we moved and he disappeared. LD wasn't so bad because it was time for him to go. Puppy's death was really bad because I waited for more than a day and I don't know what I was thinking. Poor Puppy had a bad couple of days because I guess I thought it could pass which was really irresponsible. My little Siamese guy's death was very bad because I had to decide not to treat the diabetes and just let him go and he was the best kitty ever. Batty's death was awful. I feel bad about Miss Biggie because I left her and Small when I came out to Portland but I think it wasn't so bad because she was really old and done with life. China is the worst. She's dead for me because she's gone and yet we have to keep looking. I'm supposed to deal with this grief and yet keep hoping. It seems impossible to do. Now only Small is left. I feel sad for her because her life changed a lot from the house to the condo and I am sure she is lonely. I can't have any more pets.