This evening we put 100 fliers in plastic sleeves. The old fliers are holding up surprisingly well but it has rained after no rain for several months, no rain for this whole seven weeks anyway. So this weekend we're going to post the new fliers but not take the old ones down. It is so strange, just some project, disassociated from the reality of missing China. Also, it seems so futile since all the posters have prompted no leads whatsoever.
I can't get over the fact that I don't know if she's dead or alive. How can I not know? People in novels know that kind of thing. Is it just a fiction? I can't deal with the fact that she was in a panic on the night of 7/3 and certainly in the days following and I had no inkling. Even though I was so concerned about leaving her, and even though for a day or so sarah wouldn't answer the phone, I still felt nothing. How can I, or ordinary human beings, be so clueless about a creature with whom I have been linked so closely for ten years?
If she is alive, how can she not feel me? How can she not find her way back to Susan's house?
The reality of the situation is also surreal. You have to go on with the rest of life, and so the loss becomes normal. It seems wrong not to focus on it, but there's just very little to be done.
No comments:
Post a Comment