8/24/08 - 7 weeks

I feel pretty bad today. Susan and I tacked up 50 fliers in plastic. The paper ones are holding up very well but now there is rain again. There are more than 100 paper ones so, obviously, we didn't do them all but even the 50 took hours with one driving and the other stapling them up. We didn't take down the paper ones. It's just so depressing and seems so futile when no one calls. Lots of people see the fliers but no one sees China.

I feel bad because I miss her. I miss her in the morning and at night, and in between too when I am not distracted. How can I not miss her and Batty when for 10 years they figured into every calculation of the day?

I feel bad because it occurs to me, maybe she's not all right. I am supposed to believe that, dead or alive, she's all right. But what if she isn't?

I still don't see how therapy would do any good. What can anybody tell me to make this feel better? I have to do what I can to find her, which is very little and which we are doing. I have to go about my day and take pleasure in it, which I do. I can't stop myself from crying but everything makes me cry in these years anyway. That is not something new and I think it must have to do with hormones. I cry about ads on tv sometimes, so that doesn't reveal anything about my current problem. I can't listen to music without crying, even music I have never heard before. I can't listen to any of the music on my iPod at all and that is annoying.